What is important to us.

I was thinking the other day of what is important to me.

I thought of my Family, Church, Friends, Work, Jiu Jitsu etc.

I read an article that was written somewhere that asked the question to one of the top BJJ guys how much they would accept in compensation to go back and have not started BJJ at all.  The answer was no amount because of what I have learned and the friends I have made.  It had nothing to do with the Medals he had earned or the other tangible things.  It was all about the knowledge he had gained and the relationships that he had made.

I was thinking if this was a good way to judge how important something is to you.  If we can put a price on it then maybe it is not that important to us.

For example if I could ask for all the money I have spent on Candy Bars or Ice Cream or some other vices to be put back in my bank account and  not have any memories from those things or benefits that they gave me removed I would take the money in a heart beat.  I think of many things I have spent money on that I would exchange my experience with those things for monetary reimbursement.  Some times we spend the money and really get no long term benefit out of it and the short term benefit does not create any lasting memories.  (Think Captain Crunch Cereal).

The things on that list must not have been that important to me.  This includes Cars, Motorcycles, Fitness Equipment, Clothing and many other things.

So what  are some of the things I would not take the money back for but would rather keep the knowledge I have learned from those things.

Learning to Speak Chinese is very valuable to me.  This is something that I spent many hours and much time working on and I would not take money in exchange for not being able to speak Chinese.

Doing Jiujitsu is also high on the list. I have worked hard to gain the knowledge I have gained and I lost 60 lbs from the workouts and have met people who I would never have come in contact with if not for BJJ.   If someone offered me a large amount of money and told me that everything I have learned in BJJ and all the people I have met in BJJ would be
foreign to me and I would be 60 lbs heavier I would not make that trade.

Family Vacations are experiences I have had that I would want to keep even though some of the cost of them were very high.  My Church experience.  The knowledge and things I have learned at Church and the friends I have made are very valuable to me and would be things that I would not just give up.  Being able to raise my Children in the Church has no price tag on it.

I think this is an interesting thing to think about and a good way of self evaluation on what we find important to us.

What things in your life would you not exchange to  get paid back and what things would you exchange.  I have a bunch of extra inventory on those hoverboards that not only would I exchange but I would be willing to get rid of at less then what I paid because they have a very low value to me.

In our lives we have deals like that.  Things we have done (bad deals or extra inventory) that we would be better off just taking the money back.  Then we have other things we have done that we would not exchange that experience for any amount of money.

They have that one commercial for Rosetta Stone that says "wouldn't you rather learn a language then have another pair of shoes?"  My 14 year old who is usually in the car with me says she would rather have the shoes.  When I was 14 maybe I would rather have the shoes.  This is an interesting commercial to me.  I think it is easy to take the shoes but maybe we should be filling our lives with worthwhile endeavors things that are more valuable in the long run then a "New Pair of Shoes"

Jiu Jitsu with Friends

This might not be consistent with some of the things are wrote in the past on my blog but I had to write this because of the truly great time I had in Chicago with my JiuJitsu Team.

Let me tell you in the past mostly what I could see was the differences between me and my team mates.  I am old enough to be the father of many of them.  I have lived over 50 years and am on the back side of my life and career  and they are looking forward to what they can become  and have the future in front of them.  Some of them may seem a little more rough then me and run with a rougher crowd.  I don't drink, smoke, and have no tattoos and don't plan on getting any.  Outside of Jiujitsu we don't have a lot in common.

The guys at the Gym do accept me though they treat me like a brother and call me brother but sometimes I wonder if they should be calling me dad. Often I feel I am the Square Peg in the Round Hole around the gym.   They treat me well and we spar hard and shake hands and embrace afterward.  After practice they hang around maybe go out and get something to eat or drink and I head home to soak myself in the hot tub.  I am taking some Motrin to heal myself while they are out enjoying themselves.

So in December when they said lets do a travel trip, lets go to Chicago and compete I told them I was in thinking I would take my wife and family and we would have a nice trip and just do our own thing and let them do their own thing.

Then when about 10 people bailed on the trip and it was going to be a small group and my wife did not want to spend the extra money the airfare  and everything else would cost to get her and the rest of the family to Chicago to watch the competition I was now on my own with my teammates.

I was not sure what was going to happen.  We decided to share a Hotel Room because it would save some money.  I was up for that.  I have been married 31 years and have no problem sleeping in the same bed with someone.  I also travel a lot so I have some perks when travelling that some of the young bucks don't have like Free Breakfast, Free Internet, Free Snacks, Access to the Club at the Hotel and the Airport etc.  I showed up early got the room and then picked them up at the airport.  We had a great time.  It was like back when I was a youngster.  We bought a Rotisserie Chicken and some fruit and vegtables the night before the competition because we wanted to make sure we made weight.  We stayed at the Hilton and I got some extra breakfast coupons, so for those that could eat we had a great breakfast the day of the Competition and an even better one the day after when we could all eat.  As some were doing the open weight and we were all in one rental car so no one cold leave everyone who made the Podium that day decided to compete in the absolute.  We would be hanging around waiting for everyone any way and could not leave until the last competitor was finished.  Then after the competition we all went back to the hotel showered and went out for Chicago Style Pizza.  We had so much fun.  It was easy for the old guy to stay out late because being from CA the two hour time difference really helped, plus being amped up from the Competition.

I have to say this was the most fun I have had at a Jiujitsu Tournament.  The guys I was with agreed.  It snowed on the first day and it was one guys first time to actually see it snow.  Then the weather was great the day after the tournament.  We all got back and now these guys are super excited about doing more travel trips.  I am too.  If I can say anything to people reading this blog is if you get a chance to take a trip with your team do it.  It is great fun and will build relationships and give you memories and stories that will last a lifetime.

To each his own journey. What if you don't want to compete?

I had a friend who posted on Facebook about to each his own Journey.  I thought many of his suggestions were spot on.  I thought I would share some of them here and add a few of mine.  As I am going from memory and not pasting what he wrote so will be using some liberties with what I write.

First of all let me say that we are older guys and we train BJJ.  We train it because we want to.  We train it because we enjoy it.  We train it because it takes us away from some of our outside issues and we get a chance to get away if even for just a short time.  We also enjoy the camaraderie we have with our younger BJJ enthusiasts.  

There are other influences that make it not as fun.  Outside pressure to compete or to compare ourselves with others.  Pressure to get a BeltPromotion or to be compared to someone who started later then us or so many other things.  These are things that can consume us bring extra stress and anxiety to what normally would be a serene peaceful endeavor and makes us not enjoy it like we normally would.  

Why do we do these things?  Why is it so important to keep up with the Jones?  I know a Black Belt.  He is one of the best BJJ players I know.  He is big (210) strong could do cross fit with the best and also so flexible you would think he was a Gymnast.  He is in his 30's and I have seen him destroy people who compete regularly and win.  I asked him won day why he does not compete at all.  He said he used to but the anxiety it caused was just too much.  He would have to drink the night before he competed to calm down and the things he was doing were not good for his body.  Same thing for a over 50 year old Purple Belt I know.  He has all the assets to be a World Champion but he does not want to compete.  He said that when he competes he becomes a different person.  His Girl Friend would basically have to move out of the house for the month before the competition because he was just that hard to live with.  It was not worth it to him.  He just preferred to work out and spar with the guys and continue to improve his game like that.  

I used to think that you had to compete to improve but I am starting to see that we all have a different BJJ Journey.  It is a hard journey and we have chosen a hard sport to master.  No need by making it more difficult by bringing in things we cannot control and things that cause it to be no fun into the mix.  

Who really thinks people leave their ego at the Door?

When I first started BJJ I heard this all the time.  "Leave the Ego at the Door" or how humbling this sport was.  I agree that the BJJ is humbling but I think the "Leave the Ego at the Door" concept only applies to those lower belts, lighter or older guys and most women and juveniles. .

I think the leave the Ego does not work for higher belts who are heavier and more athletic then their opponents.  As an Older BJJ Blue Belt  I find that when I spar with lower belts, guys lighter then me, or women we have good rolls no matter what happens.  They can catch me in a position and I tap or I can catch them in a position and they tap.  When I spar with Higher Belts or Heavier guys they seem to have a real problem tapping if I get a submission hold on them.

Of course this is not true in all cases but in many cases it seems to be true.  I can be rolling with a 35 year old Blue Belt that weighs about 10 lbs more then me and we are rolling at a good pace and the flow is good.  Then I just happen to catch them in a Submission and for the rest of the round they are going crazy trying to get even.  They change the intensity of their roll and start going much harder.  I get it.  I understand what is going on.  The Ego has been bruised as they have been tapped by an old man.  They then need to get a Sub on me before the end of the round to save their pride.

Once while Sparring with a  Big Purple Belt who had about 50 lbs on me and was 25 years younger (I'm 55 160 lbs)  I caught him in a Triangle.  He went crazy to get out but it was just really tight.  He lifted me and slammed me on the mat.  I let go and asked him if he was okay.  He came at me with fire in his eye and like a Grizzly Bear picked me up and threw me across the mat.   I looked up just to see him coming at me.  I told him stop.  Calm down.  I can't spar with you when you are this angry.  I'm going to get hurt.  After about 30 seconds we bumped hands and continued the roll.

I have talked to many Women who feel the same way.  That many guys would rather pass out then Tap to a Women.  Now the new White Belts have no problem tapping.  They have been humbled and have been tapped by the Women and Old guys at the Gym so they really have no Ego.  The Problem is the guys who think that they should never tap to a lower belt, a woman or anyone that is smaller then them and over 50.  I do BJJ a lot when I travel and this is not just the case at one Gym.  This happen at places all over.

Okay tell me why I am wrong.  I do know of higher belts who will actually just tap when you get them in a good position and move on but most  won't and are not really leaving their Ego's at the Door.

Why do so many try to pull others down.

I love BJJ.  I wish I could do it full time.  I, like many of you have a job that keeps us away from BJJ at times but it also helps us support our BJJ addiction.  My wife always wonders why I spend so much money on BJJ,  I buy Gi's (I have at  least 15 of them) and support the industry.  I sign up for tournaments and pay to travel to get there.  I pay dues each month and also pay for private lessons some times. I also pay for Team Gear and support the team when they have Seminars.   I am paying a lot to do Jiu Jitsu and I am happy to do it.

Lately I have been making patches for some of the local BJJ Schools.  We have a good factory we work with that gives us great prices and we pass those great prices on to the buyers.  This factory is a friend of mine who does me a favor by doing small runs.  They  make embroidered patches for Disney, Coke, Universal Studios, Ralph Lauren, Target etc. They are a certified vendor for these companies.   This is a good company making high end patches.  You may ask me what the problem is?  Let me tell you what the problem is.  The problem is the crabs.

There is an old story that goes if you catch a two crabs and put them in a bucket then you don't need to put a lid on the bucket because when one crab tries to get out the other crab will pull it back down. Of course this is just nature but it looks like  the one crab does not want to let the other crab improve it's situation by getting out of the bucket.  I feel like this is the case when I post something on a Public Forum or Social Media letting people know that I can make Embroidered Patches.  The boobirds come out complaining that I should not be using that medium to promote my product.  Why not?  I'm not posting something every hour trying to promote this product.  I know that the key to getting sales with  these patches is to find a team that needs patches or just ran out of patches and is looking to order some.  How do I get the word out if I don't use my contacts on Social Media and Public Forums I frequent.  I would think (hope) other BJJ Practitioners would be happy to help a fellow jiujiteor to cover some of his cost incurred on their JiuJitsu Journey.

To be honest I understand not wanting to be spammed  and if a guy is selling sunglasses or something unrelated to BJJ I would agree it has no place on a forum but this is an item that many JiuJitsu Teams need and are looking for a reliable vendor.

What do you think?  What are you suggestions.  Let me know I am all ears. (Cauliflower Ears LOL)

I write this with Heavy Heart

I have not written for a while.  One I was  getting some negative feedback from some people and I did not need the criticism and Two I really had nothing important to say.

Today I am writing with very Heavy Heart.  Two weeks ago a BJJ Friend of mine Brian Kim passed away of a heart attack.  I was not able to attend the funeral last week as I was at the Shot Show in Vegas and this has been consuming my thoughts and his family has been in my prayers.  A few hours a go I found out that another Friend of mine has died.  This time it was another Black Belt Don Charley from Las Vegas.  He was a good guy to train with and never took it easy on me.  He invited me to his home to train and I should have went last week while in Vegas but I told him next time and there will never be next time hear on earth.

Both of these men where black belts and both humored me.  I remember doing stand up with Brian over at Brea Jiu Jitsu and when I shot and took him down he then went to work on my submitting me at least 5 times in the next 7 1/2 minutes.  At Higher Ground it was the Same.  He would come in all smiles and happy.  Looked to be very care free and everyone was Happy when Brian showed up even though we all knew we were in for a beating.  He always took care of business with a smile complimenting you on a good move while countering it with a submission of his own.

Don was closer to my age.  One year older then me.  I rolled with him a few times while in Vegas.  He was always very specific when it came to BJJ etiquette and made sure we did not enter the mat unless we were invited by the Proffesor and that we shook hands and greeted all Black belts and higher belts before we proceeded with out workout.  He was the only guy I ever rolled with that was older then me and smaller then me (slightly older and smaller)  but could still work me over.  Of course the skills he developed as a Black Belt made him so much better at Jiujitsu then me and I had no problems tapping when he ankle locked me or got me in another position when I thought I was going to get the advantage but ended up tapping.

My 3 year BJJ anniversary is Monday.  It is hard to believe how two Gentlemen like this that I only met on a few occasions I saw Brian maybe 15 times and Don only 3-4 times would stir such emotion in me.  I continue to Pray for both their families.

RIP Brian Kim
RIP Don Charley
 

World Championships Post Dinner

Last night I had some BJJ Friends and their wives over.   We decided weeks in advance that we would get together  Sunday afternoon after Master World Championships because then none us were going to have to worry about cutting weight and we could indulge without fear of the scale the next day.

One of the guys who came over had a Son who should be on The Food Channel.  He is 13 years old, and a very good BJJ practioner but also an excellent Chef.  He made a Chinese Sea Food Soup that was incredible.  (Tom Yum Soup)

One of the reasons we got together is to let our wives meet each other and also to give support to each other as sometimes all married men who do BJJ (unless your wife trains with you) can get the "Why are you going to BJJ so often?" line from wifey.  We felt like if our wives could see we were not the only crazy ones that would be good for us.  Also there is one guy we invited that trains like Crazy.  He does 2 a days plus 2 private lessons a week.  He spends over $500 a month on BJJ lessons and I thought that with him there we would all look like slackers by comparison and our wives would see that we were not the most hard core jiujiteors our there.

What started  out as a good dinner and a show of how the guys that made more workout did better at Worlds turned into the end of a BJJ Wives Anonymous meeting where the Women just sat and discussed why their husbands could not do this or that because of a BJJ injury or because they were too tired.  (This or that has to do with Chores around the house and running errands not other things that may or may not have popped into your mind.  At the end of the day all was well.  Some of the wives decided we were not so bad and they would let their husbands train more.  All in all it was good fun and the wives all seemed to enjoy being together with other wives who have husbands that share the same passion. Also it seemed in the end when the dust had settled most of the Women were happy their husbands were doing BJJ and were willing to let them train as much as they could.  They even suggested getting together next month and inviting a couple of wives (and husbands who train elsewhere) to come over and join the fun.