To each his own journey. What if you don't want to compete?

I had a friend who posted on Facebook about to each his own Journey.  I thought many of his suggestions were spot on.  I thought I would share some of them here and add a few of mine.  As I am going from memory and not pasting what he wrote so will be using some liberties with what I write.

First of all let me say that we are older guys and we train BJJ.  We train it because we want to.  We train it because we enjoy it.  We train it because it takes us away from some of our outside issues and we get a chance to get away if even for just a short time.  We also enjoy the camaraderie we have with our younger BJJ enthusiasts.  

There are other influences that make it not as fun.  Outside pressure to compete or to compare ourselves with others.  Pressure to get a BeltPromotion or to be compared to someone who started later then us or so many other things.  These are things that can consume us bring extra stress and anxiety to what normally would be a serene peaceful endeavor and makes us not enjoy it like we normally would.  

Why do we do these things?  Why is it so important to keep up with the Jones?  I know a Black Belt.  He is one of the best BJJ players I know.  He is big (210) strong could do cross fit with the best and also so flexible you would think he was a Gymnast.  He is in his 30's and I have seen him destroy people who compete regularly and win.  I asked him won day why he does not compete at all.  He said he used to but the anxiety it caused was just too much.  He would have to drink the night before he competed to calm down and the things he was doing were not good for his body.  Same thing for a over 50 year old Purple Belt I know.  He has all the assets to be a World Champion but he does not want to compete.  He said that when he competes he becomes a different person.  His Girl Friend would basically have to move out of the house for the month before the competition because he was just that hard to live with.  It was not worth it to him.  He just preferred to work out and spar with the guys and continue to improve his game like that.  

I used to think that you had to compete to improve but I am starting to see that we all have a different BJJ Journey.  It is a hard journey and we have chosen a hard sport to master.  No need by making it more difficult by bringing in things we cannot control and things that cause it to be no fun into the mix.  

Who really thinks people leave their ego at the Door?

When I first started BJJ I heard this all the time.  "Leave the Ego at the Door" or how humbling this sport was.  I agree that the BJJ is humbling but I think the "Leave the Ego at the Door" concept only applies to those lower belts, lighter or older guys and most women and juveniles. .

I think the leave the Ego does not work for higher belts who are heavier and more athletic then their opponents.  As an Older BJJ Blue Belt  I find that when I spar with lower belts, guys lighter then me, or women we have good rolls no matter what happens.  They can catch me in a position and I tap or I can catch them in a position and they tap.  When I spar with Higher Belts or Heavier guys they seem to have a real problem tapping if I get a submission hold on them.

Of course this is not true in all cases but in many cases it seems to be true.  I can be rolling with a 35 year old Blue Belt that weighs about 10 lbs more then me and we are rolling at a good pace and the flow is good.  Then I just happen to catch them in a Submission and for the rest of the round they are going crazy trying to get even.  They change the intensity of their roll and start going much harder.  I get it.  I understand what is going on.  The Ego has been bruised as they have been tapped by an old man.  They then need to get a Sub on me before the end of the round to save their pride.

Once while Sparring with a  Big Purple Belt who had about 50 lbs on me and was 25 years younger (I'm 55 160 lbs)  I caught him in a Triangle.  He went crazy to get out but it was just really tight.  He lifted me and slammed me on the mat.  I let go and asked him if he was okay.  He came at me with fire in his eye and like a Grizzly Bear picked me up and threw me across the mat.   I looked up just to see him coming at me.  I told him stop.  Calm down.  I can't spar with you when you are this angry.  I'm going to get hurt.  After about 30 seconds we bumped hands and continued the roll.

I have talked to many Women who feel the same way.  That many guys would rather pass out then Tap to a Women.  Now the new White Belts have no problem tapping.  They have been humbled and have been tapped by the Women and Old guys at the Gym so they really have no Ego.  The Problem is the guys who think that they should never tap to a lower belt, a woman or anyone that is smaller then them and over 50.  I do BJJ a lot when I travel and this is not just the case at one Gym.  This happen at places all over.

Okay tell me why I am wrong.  I do know of higher belts who will actually just tap when you get them in a good position and move on but most  won't and are not really leaving their Ego's at the Door.

Why do so many try to pull others down.

I love BJJ.  I wish I could do it full time.  I, like many of you have a job that keeps us away from BJJ at times but it also helps us support our BJJ addiction.  My wife always wonders why I spend so much money on BJJ,  I buy Gi's (I have at  least 15 of them) and support the industry.  I sign up for tournaments and pay to travel to get there.  I pay dues each month and also pay for private lessons some times. I also pay for Team Gear and support the team when they have Seminars.   I am paying a lot to do Jiu Jitsu and I am happy to do it.

Lately I have been making patches for some of the local BJJ Schools.  We have a good factory we work with that gives us great prices and we pass those great prices on to the buyers.  This factory is a friend of mine who does me a favor by doing small runs.  They  make embroidered patches for Disney, Coke, Universal Studios, Ralph Lauren, Target etc. They are a certified vendor for these companies.   This is a good company making high end patches.  You may ask me what the problem is?  Let me tell you what the problem is.  The problem is the crabs.

There is an old story that goes if you catch a two crabs and put them in a bucket then you don't need to put a lid on the bucket because when one crab tries to get out the other crab will pull it back down. Of course this is just nature but it looks like  the one crab does not want to let the other crab improve it's situation by getting out of the bucket.  I feel like this is the case when I post something on a Public Forum or Social Media letting people know that I can make Embroidered Patches.  The boobirds come out complaining that I should not be using that medium to promote my product.  Why not?  I'm not posting something every hour trying to promote this product.  I know that the key to getting sales with  these patches is to find a team that needs patches or just ran out of patches and is looking to order some.  How do I get the word out if I don't use my contacts on Social Media and Public Forums I frequent.  I would think (hope) other BJJ Practitioners would be happy to help a fellow jiujiteor to cover some of his cost incurred on their JiuJitsu Journey.

To be honest I understand not wanting to be spammed  and if a guy is selling sunglasses or something unrelated to BJJ I would agree it has no place on a forum but this is an item that many JiuJitsu Teams need and are looking for a reliable vendor.

What do you think?  What are you suggestions.  Let me know I am all ears. (Cauliflower Ears LOL)

I write this with Heavy Heart

I have not written for a while.  One I was  getting some negative feedback from some people and I did not need the criticism and Two I really had nothing important to say.

Today I am writing with very Heavy Heart.  Two weeks ago a BJJ Friend of mine Brian Kim passed away of a heart attack.  I was not able to attend the funeral last week as I was at the Shot Show in Vegas and this has been consuming my thoughts and his family has been in my prayers.  A few hours a go I found out that another Friend of mine has died.  This time it was another Black Belt Don Charley from Las Vegas.  He was a good guy to train with and never took it easy on me.  He invited me to his home to train and I should have went last week while in Vegas but I told him next time and there will never be next time hear on earth.

Both of these men where black belts and both humored me.  I remember doing stand up with Brian over at Brea Jiu Jitsu and when I shot and took him down he then went to work on my submitting me at least 5 times in the next 7 1/2 minutes.  At Higher Ground it was the Same.  He would come in all smiles and happy.  Looked to be very care free and everyone was Happy when Brian showed up even though we all knew we were in for a beating.  He always took care of business with a smile complimenting you on a good move while countering it with a submission of his own.

Don was closer to my age.  One year older then me.  I rolled with him a few times while in Vegas.  He was always very specific when it came to BJJ etiquette and made sure we did not enter the mat unless we were invited by the Proffesor and that we shook hands and greeted all Black belts and higher belts before we proceeded with out workout.  He was the only guy I ever rolled with that was older then me and smaller then me (slightly older and smaller)  but could still work me over.  Of course the skills he developed as a Black Belt made him so much better at Jiujitsu then me and I had no problems tapping when he ankle locked me or got me in another position when I thought I was going to get the advantage but ended up tapping.

My 3 year BJJ anniversary is Monday.  It is hard to believe how two Gentlemen like this that I only met on a few occasions I saw Brian maybe 15 times and Don only 3-4 times would stir such emotion in me.  I continue to Pray for both their families.

RIP Brian Kim
RIP Don Charley
 

World Championships Post Dinner

Last night I had some BJJ Friends and their wives over.   We decided weeks in advance that we would get together  Sunday afternoon after Master World Championships because then none us were going to have to worry about cutting weight and we could indulge without fear of the scale the next day.

One of the guys who came over had a Son who should be on The Food Channel.  He is 13 years old, and a very good BJJ practioner but also an excellent Chef.  He made a Chinese Sea Food Soup that was incredible.  (Tom Yum Soup)

One of the reasons we got together is to let our wives meet each other and also to give support to each other as sometimes all married men who do BJJ (unless your wife trains with you) can get the "Why are you going to BJJ so often?" line from wifey.  We felt like if our wives could see we were not the only crazy ones that would be good for us.  Also there is one guy we invited that trains like Crazy.  He does 2 a days plus 2 private lessons a week.  He spends over $500 a month on BJJ lessons and I thought that with him there we would all look like slackers by comparison and our wives would see that we were not the most hard core jiujiteors our there.

What started  out as a good dinner and a show of how the guys that made more workout did better at Worlds turned into the end of a BJJ Wives Anonymous meeting where the Women just sat and discussed why their husbands could not do this or that because of a BJJ injury or because they were too tired.  (This or that has to do with Chores around the house and running errands not other things that may or may not have popped into your mind.  At the end of the day all was well.  Some of the wives decided we were not so bad and they would let their husbands train more.  All in all it was good fun and the wives all seemed to enjoy being together with other wives who have husbands that share the same passion. Also it seemed in the end when the dust had settled most of the Women were happy their husbands were doing BJJ and were willing to let them train as much as they could.  They even suggested getting together next month and inviting a couple of wives (and husbands who train elsewhere) to come over and join the fun.

BJJ Problems. Bad Fingers.

I have not written for a while but I have had lots of stuff to write about.  Just busy so I thought I would save it for later.

I am getting ready for Master Worlds and for me that mostly means trying to avoid getting injured as the healing time takes way to long.  I have had many team mates close to my age that start working harder for a big tournament and get busted up and end up not being able to perform like they wanted.
I think old guys need to understand that they cannot train like Young Guys no matter what the Professor or their own brain says.  It just does not work out.  I think that is the biggest struggle for older Jiu Jitsu players.  Our minds are strong but our bodies just don't respond like we want them to.

One thing that I am getting used to is for the referee to ask me to take of my wedding ring.  I cannot get the ring off.  It has been on my finger for 31 years.  In fact at the last tournament I went to I worked to get the ring off before I competed and was able to get it off the middle knuckle but the top knuckle has grown so much (thank you Spider Guard) that the ring was stuck between the middle and top knuckle on my hand.  It took me another few minutes and some oil to get it back down to the correct spot on the finger.  I guess I could label this under BJJ Problems.

Now I just put some tape over it so I don't have to worry about them stopping the match and asking me about it.

I been involved in a lot of youth sports and BJJ Parents seem better then most.

Just to give you that don't know me well some background.  I have had daughters on a swim team for the last 18 years.  We just spent 5 days in blazing heat in the Inland Empire watching our youngest daughter swim.  I saw many parents who were getting really worked  when their child added time.  They would pull them aside and berate them about their lack of hard work at practice and other problems with their strokes, not being tough enough etc. The parents were really agitated.

 I was sitting with the Coaches when a swimmer from another team came up to his Coach and told him that his mother was going to buy him one of the new $400 swim suits.  He asked the Coach which one would make him swim fastest.  The Coach said if you want to get faster tell your mom to bring you to practice more often.  It will save you the $400.

3 weeks ago I was at American Nationals BJJ tournament and as part of the UFC event they also had a high level youth wrestling tournament, 6 and under, 8 and under, 10 and under, etc in all weight classes These kids had come from all over the country and it seemed like it was most likely an invite only type of tournament because their were lots of individuals there but did not seem to be lots of  full teams of wrestlers and coaches that traveled as a team.   The problem this created is that the kids were coached mostly by the parents.  They let the parents sit around the circle of the mat while their child/athlete competed.  The behavior I saw from these parents was out of control.  In swimming I see parents yell at their kids during the event all the time but the kids heads are under water and the swimmer rarely can hear a parent yelling.  During the Wrestling Matches the parents were sometimes inches from their athletes face yelling at them not to be a quitter and getting very upset.  I saw 3 times where they had to bring in an extra referee to stand between the Parents and the kids.  Then when the match was over the parents went crazy.  Now just to be fair it was a very intense environment, these kids were competing at a very high level.  I saw 8 year olds doing suplexes on other wrestlers.  I was very impressed with the skill set of the kids who attended this tournament and I would guess that most of them were state champions or region champions and none of them were used to getting beat.  You could see it in almost every match.  When one kid knew he was not as good as the kid he was going against the tears started to fall.  The amount of intensity that was there was incredible.  I think the kids were crying because they had a fear or disappointing their parents more then actually losing the match.  I would really like to take some of these kids and see if they are qualifying for NCAA's in 8-12 years.

Then two weeks ago I was at the Kids World BJJ tournament.  First the quality of the kids was great.  The parents did not seem to be too over the top.  Sure they were cheering and holding up signs but for the most part the  parents accepted defeat easily and complimented their child on a job well done.  Only once did I see a Parent get upset and that was because the kid started crying and ran to the edge of the mat and fell down crying uncontrollably.  I am not sure if the parent was upset about the kid losing or the behavior afterward.   The parents seemed to be much better.

My question is why?  My short answer is that most parents in swimming and wrestling have an existing knowledge of the sport.  They may have participated in it in the past and they think they have the ability to coach their kids.  I think with BJJ it is so new to most parents they really don't understand it well enough to be obnoxious.  Do you think there is validity  to this or are  BJJ Parents just more respectful then other Sport's parents?