What do you really want out of BJJ?

I have been thinking about this for a while.  If you have been readying my blog you will know that I am 53 years old.  I hurt almost everyday that I do BJJ but I continue on.  Sometimes I ask myself why.  (Every day my wife asks me why.)  I have been thinking a lot about it.  At first I just chocked it up to a mid life crisis.  Trying to regain my youth but that was two years ago.  I am far to dedicated to BJJ at this point to think it was only a phase I was going through to satisfy some mid like crisis.  There are far more things that are easier to do that could fulfill that urge.  I could buy a Harley or a Corvette and take it out on weekends to satisfy the mid life crisis problems that occur.

I may have started because my son in law was interested and told me he was going to get our grandkids into it and I wanted to understand what this BJJ was all about but it is something much deeper now.  I really enjoy it.  I enjoy the sense of team I feel when I show up at the gym and I am greeted by my fellow grapplers.  (most of them are half my age)  These are guys I don't have a lot in common with.  They would be peers of my kids.  Why do I enjoy being around them?  I think it comes down to genuine respect.  I know it sounds silly but having these guys respect means a lot to me.  wfor me.  Some have respect just because I am showing up.  They know how difficult it is.  Other have respect because of my skills on a sweep or some other technical aspect of the sport.  It is strange but I really crave this positive feedback.  I am embarrassed that I need this positive reinforcement.  I mean I am 53 years old and you would think that I would be past the age where I needed someone to pat me on the back but I still need it.

I can tell you at my age I don't know if I will ever get to be a black belt.  I mean I would probably be around 65 by the time I had enough skills to be considered a legit black belt.  Also the Belt Promotion is not really a motivator for me.  They come so infrequent that I think if that was my motivation I would already be done.  I know I am most likely 4 years away from a Purple Belt.  If my motivation was self defense I would have quit.  (maybe bought a gun).   I don't go to places there are fights.  I am at Church every Sunday and usually in bed by 10 at night.  Not a lot of fights starting in the places I frequent. I have already lost 60 lbs.  Going from 220 to 160. I think I could easily maintain without the wear and tear on my body that I put it through each workout.   I think the thing that will keep me going is the respect from my fellow Jiujiteros.  As childish as it seems a compliment here or there will keep me coming back.

What is your motivation?  What keeps you going?  I think it is different for every person and I think it may change along this journey we know as BJJ.